whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
