Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
