listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
zippers are such a cool invention
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
