I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Someone signed my nipple.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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