I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
