your thong is hanging out like whoa
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
