i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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