I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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