How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My dick has a subreddit
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
