I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
