I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Sext me about skeletons
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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