I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
