pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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