i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I need a burrito and a hug.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
