The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
