Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
