He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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