i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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