You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
