Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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