So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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