Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
