This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
