Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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