Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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