in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
