i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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