Apparently you make a good broom.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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