Soap is not a condiment
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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