I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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