Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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