Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
this beer tastes like vomit already
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
