By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
