He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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