Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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