I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
and i looked up. we had an audience...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
