Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
