Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize