the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
And then he peed in my hair
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
