Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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