I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
