Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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