I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
