I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
