is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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