please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
