i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
