the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
