Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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