the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
