I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
