During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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