sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just saw a hot homeless man
i think my mom watched the whole time
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
