omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
