have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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