Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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