i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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