Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize