this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
