I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
