I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
