Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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