you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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