I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
