What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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