Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
