Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
