Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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