During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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