Your mouth is God's brothel.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
